the PUBLIC diary

no matter how many times you turn the world upside down, a blog is a diary.

and i diary should be well-kept by the owner. unfortunately for this diary, it's the other way around

well, i actually don't mind being read by millions of people in the web, especially that in the first place, i'm aware that what i'm writing to is something accessible by the whole world.

to this, i don't hold any grudge. but frankly, i feel bashful to be writing something from the bottom of my heart to be read by my classmates who think that well, i'm not inclined to writing this kind of stuff. and so my struggle to writing more continues.

my ultimate problem, however is not on the fact that my classmates have full access to my thoughts. in fact, there are times when i think i should be telling my close mates my inner, MORE beautiful self[hehe] - and that will be accomplished by letting them read my precious blog. it is just the idea of them spreading the word to other people uninterested that concerns me most. i did not write these sentiments for many people to read. I wrote this out of mere freeing my frustrations and satisfaction in writing whatever comes into my ambiguous frontal lobe.

i just hope the people who recently read my posts will keep mum about what they found out from my blog. so far, this is the only way i can think of to get my life saved. i just require silence from these people i call VERY CLOSE FRIENDS. [you know who you are. no need to enumerate. ahemm...]

you know i really don't want to hurt other people's feelings. and i'm sure, some things are just better unsaid [e.g. like my latest controversial post].

please... :D

:((:((

user-friendly turned FRIENDLY USER

one thing that irates me most is the occurence of people who notice you when they want a favor. I call them, the friendly users.

ya. I mean, such people can be so irritating, right? and yet some other pathetic people who can't smell this scheme just kept swallowing hook-line-and-sinker. Well, it pains me to see my friends being used, especially since I can relate to their present "state."

accepting without conceding the fact that i do call these friendly users "friends," [I mean nobody's perfect, and their being 'users' will actually not affect our friendship. they're just sky-high annoying] i sometimes don't stick around them i'm afraid they may eye me for another favor, or worse, i may turn into one of them. i shudder to think that.

anyways, i wrote this post to tell everybody who reads this blog [ if there even exists one] that friendly users are a no no to the society. they're parasites who are ought to be annihilated! haha. but i don't mean that to my friends.

i hate to say this but i actually can name a few of the friendly users in school. and i enumerated them here. too bad i didn't include the name. some things are better unsaid. besides, i might get bullied if they found out i was writing something bad about them. hahaha. and to go back to my list, here it is:

1. hoping korean look alike
if you ask me, he's one of the friendly users. i notice we're not really that close. i tried approaching him and you know, tighten our firendship. but, i don't know. he doesn't seem interested in making friends with ugly, lowly, autistic, and wierd me. i think, the last time he went as close as 1 meter was when he wanted a favor [leech much!]. i can't remeber though. but i do remember what i did for him voluntarily, and that is to take a picture of his pretty pretty crush.
i like him better last grade 6 when he was not so much of a narcissist. ya. but right now, i think, after having heard that a cute girl, who obviously is pampered by her family with nutritous food, confesses her obssession with hoping korean look alike. hahaha. that's enough of a compliment to make hoping korean look alike airy. hmmm...

2. left-and-right
i caught this one red-handed, holding someone else's hand when he shouldn't actually be doing that because he has his girlfriend. i wonder how he still has such confidence as carressing another hand when many times he was caught talking and moving flirtaciously with other girls. tsk3. one lesson can't stop him i guess from his itchy hand. hahaha.
i pity his pretty official girlfriend. she entertains gibberish from someone who can't be contented by one hand and one shoulder. I just wish that he will be taught an excruciating lesson he'll never forget. wahahahaha. *evil laugh*

3. fashonista lips
she's really rich. and i don't blame her for being one of the users. it's her nature, i guess. hahaha. she can't keep up with my super low profile that she notices me only when her friends and i are having fun [hmmm... i smell jealousy]. so far, we're not that close. but you know, she's sometimes kind. but i just get offended on how she reacts to my comments or watsoever. this makes her look horrifying. a typical richie who you'll see in movies as an annoying bully. good thing, she's an inch less bullier that those on tv.

4. no bad name
well, i don't really have any grudge about her. it's just that when she talks to me about a guy or something, she makes me feel left behind - like i'm really ugly or something, and she's superior. i hate to think that but that's what i feel. i don't want to label her anything, but i'm hurt about how she treats me. sometimes, i get annoyed, but what can i do. she's a part of my life. how then can i be angry? oh... i dunno... :(

that's about everything. i said what's lurking in my mind and wrote all those things with a hint of euphemism [you get the point]. the thing is, i don't want these peope to be reading this post. they may get offended. and i admit, i am a user myself, but as much as possible, i try to stop it.

i hope this can help you stay away from being gossiped about.

ciao!

:D:D

pagsusuri sa 'GAPO ni Lualhati Bautista

pamagat: 'GAPO ( at isang Pilipino, sa mundo ng mga Amerikanong kulay brown)

awtor: Lualhati Bautista

" isang security guard na kano sa base-militar ang nakapatay ng Pilipino. tumagging isuko ng militar-Amerikano sa korte ng Pilipinas ang bata nilang kriminal. Lahat daw ng imbestigasyon sa loob ng base-Amerikano ay kailangan munang basbasan ng mga taga-America Department of Defense.

ikinulong ng mga kano ang isangminerong pinoy sa salang pagpasok nanag walang pahintulot sa "lupa nila." dapat lang daw, sabi ng Attorney General Herbert Brownell: dahil lupang-kano daw ang bawat piye ng lupang-Pilipinas na nasa disposisyon ng mga kano.

isang batang pinoy ang binaril ng isang kano sa Clark. isang mangingisdang pinoy ang pinatay ng isang kano sa Subic. isang pinoy ang napagkamalang baboydamo at walang awang binaril ng mangangasong kano.

Alam mo ba ang ginagawa ng mga kano? Lilitisin nila nang mabilisan ang bata nila, ipawawalang sala, saka pauuwiin sa Amerika. minsan nga, hindi na nililitis; pauuwiin na lang agad, sa katwirang tapos na ang kontrata nito sa Pilipinas. maghabol man tayo, wala na ni bakas ng sapatos ng hinahabol natin.

sabi ng iba, wala raw tayong magagawa. base iyon. sa kano 'yon.

pero gago, hindi sa kano 'yon. atin 'yon. lupa natin 'yon.

saka di totoong wala tayong magagawa. magaga nating lumaban."

A. Tagpuan

mga nabanggit na lugar:

• Olongapo - kung saan naganap ang malaking bahagi ng nobela. dito nakatirik ang mga clubs na pinapasukan ng mga tauhan
• Freedom Pad - isang club sa Ologgapo kung saan kumakanta si Mike
• White Men's Territory - (obvious ba?) lugar sa Ologgapo kung saan naroon ang maraming amerikanong puti
• Brown Community - bahagi ng Ologgapo kung saan marami ang mga Pilipino (brown nga eh)
• Black Men's Row - tinatawag ring 'the junggle.' Narito marami ang mga amerikanong itim
• base-militar sa Subic at Clark - kung saan nagtratrabaho ang maraming pinoy at kano
• Music Box - isang club na nangangalandakan ang mga palabas nilang a-go-go dancers
• bahay ni Magda at Mike
  

kailan:

• panahon pagkatapos sakupin ng Pilipinas ng mga Amerikano kung saan dito sila nanirahan at nagnegosyo
  

B. Tauhan

• Michael "Mike" Taylor, Jr. (pangunahing tauhan) - anak nina Dolores at Michael Taylor, Sr.; kasama si Magdalena sa bahay bagamat wala silang relason; kaibigan nina Desto, Ali, Steve, Igna, William, Jun, at Jeffrey
• Dolores - ina ni Mike; nahulog ang loob kay Michael Taylor, Sr. kaya nabunga si Mike
• Michael Taylor, Sr. - ama ni Mike; nangakong babalik sa Pilipinas para pakasalan si Dolores, ngunit di ginawa
  
• Magdalena "Magda" - kaibigan ni Dolores; kasama ni Mike sa tinutulugang bahay dahil sa usisa ng ina nito; nagkaron ng relasyon kay Sam na isang kano, ngunit iniwan siya nito dahil sa akalang may namagitan sa kanila ni Mike; mahulog ang loob kay Steve; kaibigan ni Desto
• Steve Taylor - inibig ni Magda; napatay ni Mike
  
• Modesto "Desto" - may asawa; tatay ni Jun; kaibigan nina Mike, Ali, Magda, William, Igna, at Jeffrey; kaaway ni Johnson na isang kano; inaaway ni Richard
• Jun- anak ni Desto na napunta sa base liban sa kagustuhan ng ama.
  
• William Smith- mabuting asawa ni Irene; mabuting atay ni Willy; amerikanong tapat at mabait; kaibigan nina Mike at Desto
• Irene- asawa ni William na hindi nabigo sa paghihintay dito
  
• Alipio "Ali" - kapatid ni Alicia; baklang tiyuhin ni Jeffrey; amo ni Igna; kaibigan ni Mike at Desto; nahulog ang loob kay Richard
• Ignacio "Igna" - katulong ni Ali; tagabantay ni Jeffrey; kakuntsaba ni Richard
• Jeffrey - anak ni Alicia na purong Pilipino gunit lumaki sa Amerika; pamangkin ni Ali; binabantayan ni Igna
• Richard Halloway- gumago kay Ali; kinuntsaba ni Igna

C. Reaksyon

ang Gapo ay tungkol sa hirap na nararamdaman ng isang half-Filipino half-American na gaya ni Mike. naiintindihan ko siya. sa tingin ko'y litong-lito siya sa mga pangyayari sahil ang anyo niya'y kano samantalang ang puso niya nama'y pinoy. mahirap nga naman ang kalagayang ganyan lalo na kung sarili mo pang kalahi ang magtatakwil sayo dahil sa naiiba mong kulay. sa halip ng mga ito'y hanga rin naman ako kay Mike dahil napanindigan niya ng pagiging pinoy at hanggang sa huli'y naipagtanggol niya ng kahit papano ang nalalabing dangal ng mga Pilipinong nagsusund-sunuran lamang sa mga amerikanong walang ginawa kundi manigaw at mag-utos.

liban dito, tinuligsa rin ng aklat ang colonial mentality ng mga pinoy. maliwanag na isinasaad sa nobela na inaapi tayo ng mga amerikano kagaya narin ng pag-aapi nila sa kapwa nilang amerikanong kulay itim nga lang. ipinakikita lang sa nobela na masyadong mababaw ang pagtingin satin ng mga kano n adi nila magawang pahalagahan ang karapatan ng mga tao sa bansa. binubulag at pinaniniwala umano tayo ng mga ito na sila ang dahilan kung bakit umaangat ang Pilipinas na kung tutuusin ay kabaliktaran namang talaga.

simulat sapol, ipinakilala ako sa kasinungalingang maganda mag-abroad dahil maganda ang buhay doon at madaling umasenso. pinalaki akong may pagnanais na makuha ng mga gamit na iporte dahil ito raw umano'y "high quality." tinuruan ako na ang mga amerikano'y mababait na tao at nandito lang para tumulong. ako naman pala'y mali. nang dahil sa nobela'y namulat ang aking mga mata sa kamaliang ginagawa nitong mga dayuhan at ng katangahang ginagawa ng kalahi.

di ko lang mintindihan ay kung bakit ayaw na ayaw ni Mike sa kulay nya na iyon naman ang uso ngayon sa mga pilipno. kung ako man ang tatanungin, hindi ko maiwasang mainggit kay Mike sa kulay nitong hilaw. ako ba nama'y nakararanas din ng diskriminasyon sa kulay kong mas kayumaggi sa kayumanggi ng mga kaklase ko. sa kalooblooban ko, hinasa akong umayaw sa "maiitim" dahil umano'y hindi magaganda ang maiitim. inaamin ko makasalanan nga ako. nagpapasalamat naman ako na ma'y natitira papalang puting Pilipino na kagaya ni Mike na maipagtatangol ang bayan niya kahit na amerikano ang anyo nito. sana naga'y isang araw ay mamulat rin ako sa katotohanang ang kulay ay di pinagbabasihan ng kagandahan.

masayang basa ang Gapo ni Bautista. Napansin kong kahit na babae siya, iba ang labas ng tono niya mula sa simula hanggang sa wakas ng nobela. hindi ko miwasang maalala ang uri ng pasulat ni Bob Ong na gaya rin kay Bautista, ay tungkol sa pagka-alipin nating mga Pilipino. msasabing maaaring si Bautista nga ang pinagkunan ng inspirasyion ni Ong sapagkat hindi malayo ang istilo ng mga ito sa bawat isa.

basahin mo nalang at malilinawan ka ng bonggang-bongga... ;)

***

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nightime is here. and so am i.

darkness sweeps the land from its jubilee. creatures crawl back to their own sanctuary. silence creeps through the shadows. everything is quiet. except for the very object that brings forth light in that deserted place.

the moon has awoken. once again, like all the other nights, she was painted lovely. and it is time for her to eradicate such painful solitude. to shed some light on one side of the earth swallowed by the blinding darkness.

the ominous nighttime is here. but never fear for the moon's glow will never lose its fervor, and she has brought with her back-up -- the stars.